A Quantum MeMoir Journal Page
BREAKING IT DOWN INTO DIGESTIBLE PIECES
Day 1- Purpose:
To know is to build now. I've spent plenty of time in contemplation. The real work is in the active presence. To be. To be conscious.
Day 2- Intent:
By practicing conscious breathing, I can know where I need to focus my building efforts. Sometimes the thoughts need to clear out, before we can be clear of what we need to do. When questions with no answers come up, I've recognized that (in my focused breathing) being grateful in the space, in the blanks, is enough. We have a tendency to beat ourselves up over missed opportunities or not seeing things clearly. But it is in the conscious effort, or intent, where we will just know the opportunity will come again and again to practice being clear in the moment. It takes faith- to just know that wherever you are, you need to be there at that moment to learn something. And if you don't learn it the first time, life will serve it until you 'get it.'
The noun breath originates in c. 1300 and means "odor, scent, stink, exhalation," and "smell, breath, steam." It is the "ability to breathe," or "life." (See Etymology)
There is an active presence and a receptive presence in breathing, or the inhale/receptive and exhale/active. To be conscious of the breath, or life, we need to focus our intent on the quality and quantity of the inhale and then with equal intent push out the exhale. This is also reflective of the masculine and feminine aspects that are within each individual. Life is in the pulse, the pulse is in the breath, and the breath is in the intent.
One of the things I've discovered during my sessions of conscious breathing is that I can lower my heart rate when I am experiencing anxiety. Try it.
Day 3- Observe:
Recognizing the parallels of the inhale and exhale to the masculine and feminine essence, I began to focus on physical signs of any imbalance. I've learned with conscious effort what balance feels like for me. But since I am still on autopilot quite often, I began to see that my imbalance was feminine weak. How do I know?
I notice the lack of symmetry when applying make-up. The left side (controlled by right brain, which is Yin or feminine) did not match the precision of the right side. Also, in this week of observations: I've stumped my left pinky toe and developed a cyst on my left shoulder. Thinking back on life circumstances, I recall having surgery on my left foot, left eye is weaker and smaller than right eye. And I am left handed, as well. Also to note is the nerve disorder I've suffered with since 22 affects the right side of my face.
I haven't put it altogether, these are just observations. And when it comes to the brain, the left brain controlling the right side of the body and vice versa is not so black and white. Processes from both sides of the brain work in the respective hemispheres and cross exchange information and data to the opposite hemisphere. But I'm taking note that many of my ailments and misalignments manifest on the left side of my body... just something to continue observing.
Day 4- Connect:
I had the opportunity to see Eckhart Tolle speak in Houston last month. One of the things he said that stayed with me, is that we only get a dash. You know the dash on a tombstone between the birth date and death date? He was basically saying make this dash count. For me creating and maintaining balance is the key to making my dash count. I'm here to create a legacy. I knew this at 18, when I had my first child, and I still affirm that in my ambitions. What am I going to do with my dash?
Day 5- Express:
Taking notes and journaling help to literally write the wisdom on my heart. By writing, I am creating a positive feedback loop and memory of an epiphany. When I am stuck in conflict, oftentimes these reminders come to mind and I am able to push through the conflict with a positive change.
For example, I began lifting weights last month after a very long time of not doing it consistently. At almost 40, my body is much slower than me at 30. It's no surprise either that the left side of my body is much weaker than the right and has a difficult time lifting the same amount of weight. So knowing that I've got some wounded feminine issues internally, and that the masculine is responding to this in it's active presence, I began talking to myself as if I was my own mother and father. I know that sounds crazy! So my feminine/left side isn't down with so much weight, I take it slow and imagine what a mother who is rooting for her child to surpass their own limitations would say to that child and say it to myself. And when I am unable to surpass these perceived limitations, I imagine what a father rooting for their child to not give up and not feel defeated would say to that child and say that to myself. And what I have done is twofold- I've managed to step in and nurture that baby within where all others have failed, and I have changed the feedback loops in my computer/brain, which is essentially nature. So now nurture and nature become one.
Day 6- Refine:
Inhale/exhale, feminine/masculine, left/right, nurture/nature- We're in this together. In order to find balance in the outside world, balance within is the first order of business. I'm not going to have all the answers, nor will find clarity always. So not being so fixated on controlling my environment, I am not attached to outcomes and allow the mysteries of life to unfold as they need to. By being balanced within, I am navigating the ever changing wind getting to my destination how I want to AND how I need to.
Day 7- Ground:
When things don't go how I want, I refocus on my breathing, accept the circumstance, find a way to change myself (via creating positive feedback loops), and repeat. Essentially, that's what this journal exercise is meant to assist with.
To read more on conscious breathing and how it helps push through resistance, see my article, "Resistance & Tying Chi."
THE BIGGER PICTURE
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