On Friday, September 1, 2107, I arrived with children and mom in tow to Turning Point Church in Vidor, Texas. We exited a military type truck. This tank-like carrier had just pummeled through my neighborhood engulfed with water released from a dam. Had I waited a few more hours to leave my house, that truck would not have been able to drive through the water. A couple hours prior to the sanctuary of Turning Point, I held my baby's hand, my 15 year old baby, and waded through all kinds of nasty to get to the truck that was my last hope to evade the ebbing terror making its way to my front door. I left my husband and pets behind.
That was a hard decision. I didn't want to leave and planned on leaving only if water had entered the house. But the tension in the house was suffocating. I'll just leave it at that. People don't talk about that stuff, but it was there, and it forced me to reassess my plan B. We had lived through two days of no electricity and by this time there was no way in or out of the hood. Water was everywhere, just not on my street or the street perpendicular to my street- the morning before we left on that big tank, that is. Besides the tension between my husband and mom, it was terrifying not knowing.
“The short story- we were evacuated, ended up losing our house to 5ft+ of water, all of our vehicles-husband's, mom's, son's, and mine, everything inside minus our small bags of essentials, our guinea pigs, and now we are displaced.”
On the one hand, I didn't want to go. My initial thoughts on leaving were: Where will 'they' take us? In a shelter, I won't sleep, I'll be keeping one eye open making sure my kids are right next to me 24/7. What if I go, and my house does not flood? I'll be stuck somewhere for god knows how long, when I could be in the comfort of my own home with all this food and water I bought in preparation for the storm. So I stayed. And the tension got worse. The day the electricity went out, an unbearable amount of anxiety strangled me. I don't believe I had ever been that nervous, and I'm a nervous person! I mean my hands constantly shake- that nervous! My heart was racing like crazy, and it felt like it was about to jump out of my chest for a continuous 48 hours! And then it stopped the morning before Turning Point.
On the other hand, I did want to go. I didn't want my heart to pound like that anymore. I didn't want my mom to be so angry. I wanted to prevent my kids and my mom from having to be rescued while in rising flood waters. But the heart palpitations stopped. I tried to have a logical conversation with her, but my logical perspective was not her logical perspective. She doesn't live with me. You see she lives in a city that executed a mandatory evacuation notice to its citizens. So she left and came to stay with my family and me. It made sense at the time. My neighborhood not only was high, it was dry and had been dry since my 90 year old neighbor bought his house in 1965 and even before that for as long as anyone living could remember. She had other options, but option Kandi was a shorter drive. So she packed her most essential and important belongings into her vehicle and headed out.
My oldest and only son moved out of the house just two weeks prior to the Harvey nightmare. He graduated from trade school on a Saturday and packed his stuff and left the next day. That was a hard blow. Not to mention just a few weeks prior I had an emergency surgery. Not to mention I was dealing with work stress related to sexual harassment issues that someone I truly believed was my friend had involved me in. So for two weeks prior to Harvey's hit on my livelihood, I was grieving. And three days before my surgery, I learned of the death of a friend who I had lost contact with several years ago. I cried for days and planned to create a friendship garden in her memory, but my mourning was cut short due to my health scare. One day I'll talk about these trials in detail, because I learned some things about myself I feel may be of value to others. Those few weeks were sobering and difficult. I encountered an enormous amount of loss and grief in the months leading up to the hurricane . And then Harvey forced me to lose more, and I realized all of it, the lose, was good.
I looked up at the words on the church building. It meant something; I knew that for sure, but what I don't know. And I still don't. What I do know is that times of plenty and famine are consistent in my life- every five years like clockwork. Spring 2017 I was bracing myself, well aware that my time of plenty was coming to a close. The signs were everywhere!
The short story- we were evacuated, ended up losing our house to 5ft+ of water, all of our vehicles-husband's, mom's, son's, and mine, everything inside minus our small bags of essentials, our guinea pigs, and now we are displaced. I live in the Dallas area with my brother with my daughters five hours away from my husband and son, making rebuilding my life back home very inconvenient, and my husband lives with his mom. So there's definitely more to this story. But let's just say there is a silver lining. It's bright and shiny amid the chaos and day to day living as a four time displaced adult. I carried an enormous amount of baggage, and Harvey washed it away. He washed it away and made me realize what I want and what I need.
My purpose is to create a legacy. I've known this my entire adult life. I don't currently, nor have I ever had the means for luxury or anything near it or even cheap imitations. My legacy isn't of the material kind. He washed the few possessions I had and made me realize it's time to get to work. It's time to work harder than I've ever worked before for the thing that I desire. Legacy. I don't want to be remembered. But I have some things to say, people to love, and ways to share before I leave this place. And I want to remember. I need to step up the ante of relation. Making the connection perfect for me means what I have to share will be taken seriously and the call to action will be answered. And that action is to pass from one generation to the next. I'm so serious, I'm here to create a legacy- something to free my mind.
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