So we've already arrived and passed the anniversary of Harvey. I have yet to complete my story. There is an overwhelming urge to want to share it, but it's so emotionally draining, I don't really want to share all the bad stuff in detail. So I'll put it in bullets. I feel the rundown will make you weary from reading it. Just know I'm spent. But I'm so exhausted, I don't believe I have anymore of that energy to spend, because something greater has happened in my desperate, yet futile attempt at patching my life together. I died the day we arrived at Turning Point, and now a different person with a different set of eyes has seen something beautiful in what I once perceived as negative. The old and ugly has wasted away to reveal majesty at hand.
While much of this is negative, I do share the positive if you manage to get through it.
In no particular order, this is what we as a family went through and what I have had to deal with personally, and much of it, unfortunately, we are still having to deal with:
Had nowhere in the area to stay. Daughters and I stayed in Dallas. Husband stayed in Port Arthur.
All six of us were transported to Alexandria, LA, where we were stranded, and no one was able to pick us up.
Mom and son were picked up by Aunt, leaving the four of us to remain and figure out how to get home.
Uncle from Ohio, who I haven't spoken to in years came down to get us and help get started on the gutting process.
My office received the most damage, as it is a sunken room. I had over 11,000 books.
We arrived home a little over a week after evacuating. By that time, many were ahead of us in post hurricane clean-up. Which means, all able bodies were already plugged in somewhere or spent.
We had a few friends come and help the first day, but it was not enough.
We got on two waiting lists of churches from outside the area that were deploying help to those in need of gutting.
There was enough misinformation to wake the dead!
There was no centralized authority of information.
The degree of entitlement victims showed is a reflection of the degradation of our society. I've had to disassociate from my understanding while I do my best to clean up my mess.
In people's shallow effort to empathize, "I'll pray for you." was mechanically vomited. They apparently never heard "The Drowning Man" parable or forgot the point, if they have.
People have way too many pets!
There are way too many sick and hurting people in this world. It is truly nonsensical.
We were treated like criminals at the Red Cross transitional holdover aka The Burton Colosseum as people were prepping shelters in Alexandria and Shreveport
My mother, 67 at the time, is elderly and was treated the same. She looks much younger than her age.
"Let me know if you need anything," was also mechanically vomited. When called upon for assistance, most were unavailable.
Most of those close to us are not as sympathetic as we assume.
However, there is an endless supply of strangers willing to give whatever time and resources they can acquire, no matter the cost to their personal well-being. An army of angels.
Many wanting to help just don't know how. And many of those whose lives were transformed by Harvey really don't know what it is that they need.
Staying in a shelter was a humbling experience. Thousands of us in similar situations, and among those a handful who enlisted in the army of angels.
My daughters managed to put stress aside to work on pieces for an art contest. My senior won honorable mention.
Much of our belongings could have been saved or salvaged. However, since we were coming in later than others to start the process, we had to trash 99% of what we owned. Almost everything in my kitchen was fine. But we had no vehicle, not enough people to help clean, and no storage (all storages were flooded or rented out)
Home Depot or Lowe's was allowing folks to use their industrial washers and dryers so people could salvage their clothes. Again, I did not have a car or people to help. Everything, including my Steampunk wedding dress was thrown away.
I realize how sentimentality can hold us all prisoners.
Family and friends lovingly said just walk away, burn it down, it's just stuff. And while it's just stuff and I've since come to that conclusion, but knew it all along, there is a process of mourning that is necessary and the healthiest way to deal. To be insensitive about such a traumatic ordeal is mind blowing to me. It would be in the best interest of people hurting, for friends and family inclined to such insensitivities to do and say nothing.
Sincere acknowledgement is the very best way one can help a friend. Looking at the situation as if you yourself are experiencing it. Taking out your feelings to really BE in the moment, a friend.
My job was absolutely amazing! My husband's was not.
My boss was in touch and aware of my situation. She had her cousin, who was closer to me in Alexandria than herself who was trapped in Beaumont, meet us at the hotel we checked into after we couldn't take shelter life for another day. She gave us, via her cousin, all essentials we were without, as well as, a $100 gift card to Wal-Mart for anything not on the list. This woman is amazing and the best boss I've ever had the privilege to work for.
Travis' job wanted to know when he'd be back at work and called to check in regularly for updates on his return to work status.
My job worked out a schedule that was best for me. I drove back and forth from Dallas every two weeks for one day to work. I should have and could have quit then, but my clients are important to me, and I wanted some of them to have a way possible to see me.
My brother let me borrow his stepson's car to get back home, until I was able to purchase my truck.
There are not enough insurance adjusters for such large-scale disasters.
There's a lot of waiting when it comes to help.
It was my second child's senior year. I homeschool.
Because of our living situation, plugging into a homeschool group was pointless.
We stayed with friends in Orange at the end of November through January.
We were able to find a hotel with availability in January near our home. Free breakfast. :)
We stayed at the Holiday Inn for two and half months.
We were approved for a FEMA mobile home at the end of January.
FEMA inspected our property for the best location of the mobile home and parked it where it overlapped our neighbors property by 3 1/2 feet.
We had to ask neighbor for permission for this after they parked it.
She initially said yes, but called the next morning wanting to know why she was not offered a mobile home and decided to retract her agreement.
FEMA took the mobile home away.
In February, we were approved for an RV.
It took quite some time for them to finally place it on property. Unfortunately, it was placed almost fully on my neighbor's lot.
We informed them this was a no-go, but it still just sat there. I had to call representative Babin's office, because I felt no one was listening, and we really needed someone who may be able to hear and intervene.
Within an hour of my call, the RV was moved to our front yard. :)
We checked out of the hotel and moved the few belongings we had to the RV in mid-March.
We did get money from the government and were able to get something back from income taxes to help us get started on rebuilding.
Trying to get bids for anything is like pulling teeth. There is a dire need for skilled tradesmen.
Many couldn't take our calls. Many said they'd be there and did not show up. A few showed up hours to days later.
Many took advantage of the shortage of skilled laborers, and I was aware of this, since we started later than most on every aspect of rebuilding one's life after a disaster.
I quit my job in January, because life was just too overwhelming for me.
I flew to Oregon in February to help out a cousin, and we drove back to Vidor. It was a wonderful time away.
I enrolled in classes that would help me as a massage therapist and bring some sort of normalcy back into my life. These classes were life altering!
Oh yeah, we went to New Orleans in October to see our first New Orleans Saints home game. I'm not really into spectator sports, but that trip was very much needed and a wonderful experience!
We spent Christmas with my sister-n-law's family in Beaumont. It was nice to feel loved when we thought we were forgotten.
My Orange friend went away for Thanksgiving and Christmas and let us have her house to ourselves. That was very much needed and appreciated. She is a true Southern Belle.
We eventually found a plumber. And contracted him to do everything, since he also had his own handyman business.
The plumbing work was ok. The sheetrock not so much. Everything that could possibly be done wrong, was done wrong. But we did not know what a proper sheetrock job looked like. So each week he said this was done and this is how much you owe, I paid him. And I paid him until there was nothing left. And then I was informed by a friend that it was a crap job, so we fired him.
The girls joined a project to beautify Beaumont and painted electrical boxes.
The government acquired millions to help those in need of Harvey rebuilds and contracted several agencies to oversee the funds. I called, like I was supposed to, to be assigned a disaster case manager.
Travis injured his back in April on the job and was put on light duty.
His job coded his pay wrong, and he was short changed money owed and it was a challenge to find anyone who would listen and correct the problem. He is still owed one check yet to be reimbursed.
Travis injured his neck the next month because he was instructed to work against doctors' orders.
Insurance denied his claim that it was a work related injury. So he is currently fighting this.
My daughter graduated, and we had her graduation party in the garage in the sweltering heat.
Many have offered furnishings for our house, unfortunately we've had to turn most of them down because we did not have a way to pick them up or our house was not at a stage to have furniture it in.
I started a business project with a friend, even though I had sensed some red flags. She was not as committed to the project and eventually distanced herself from me. I wanted the items I had invested into the business back (she was storing them for us), because I didn't want to be without them should anyone want to utilize the service the business offered. She was offended and has since not spoken with me.
Travis was let go from his job since he had exhausted his light duty time. The situation was turned over to workman's comp.
As a family, we got closer throughout the first of the year. Although, once Travis was not working, tension eventually surfaced.
We started floating in a depravation tank. Let me tell you, this is an amazing resource to get out of one's head.
The girls and I drove to Dallas and then flew to Arizona. I couldn't bare to be home during the anniversary of Harvey. I bought the tickets in May, and by the time August rolled around, I was desperately needing to get away. The plan was to stay in Arizona for a week and then in Dallas for two weeks.
Travis' mom passed away, while we were in Arizona and getting ready to fly back to Dallas. So I cut our getaway short and drove straight home once we arrived in Dallas.
Travis' grandmother passed away in February.
A very good friend decided I was no longer worth her time, because I was very much in the throes of driving back and forth from Dallas to work, futilely trying to contact contractors for bids, homeschooling my children, not to mention just making sure they were ok, dealing with Travis' unsupportive work environment, trying my best to stay in touch with loved ones, trying and failing at taking care of myself, even though I had set a boundary and asked for a phone call rather than text, because it was simply exhausting.
A (different) friend called in February to apologize for her lack of maturity in a situation that happened just before Harvey. We reconnected for a season, and it was a beautiful season.
Another friend called to check on me and apologized for not being a friend and then went MIA.
I got close to someone dear to me, and we spent an increasing amount of time in deep conversation, which was balm to my soul.
I reconnected with my high school best friend, and it has been the most fruitful friendship during my exhausting life this past year.
I made amends with someone who I've had a rocky past with, and I'm grateful to call him my friend today.
My cousin loaned us his Xbox, and it definitely boosted the morale of our household this summer.
The girls participated in the art show "The Art of Flowers" in Beaumont in June.
My personal business pursuit wasn't as successful as it could have been. I was so busy with homeschool, house rebuild, and supporting my husband, as he is bombarded with trial after trial, I really didn't have the time to devote to that. Although looking at the time that I did, the numbers are astonishing. I worked 40 hours in six months and managed to earn close to $4000. That has inspired me to continue working for myself.
I'm not involved with the homeschool community as much anymore.
I've had many people call upon me for help with their issues with Trigeminal Neuralgia.
My Trigeminal Neuralgia resurfaced after years of successfully keeping the pain away.
I started writing more and reading more this year as a way to process all the feelings I've kept bottled inside.
Since I never heard back about the case manager thing, I went in person in July to be assigned one. She fed me high hopes, but it seems most of it is out of her hands. She went MIA for a bit, and I was unable to contact her. I had to contact corporate to find out the status of my case and what was being done with my personal information.
I finally got a call this week (mid-September) in response to the voicemail I left in April concerning a case manager. There's no main system where anyone can update, so no one was aware that I already had a case manager.
FEMA inspects our house and our RV every single month. If we don't make progress each month, we will be evicted. I had a really nice inspector for a while, but my case was turned over to someone else, who is also nice, but doing her job. She informed me that by next inspection, October 11, if we have no progress on the house, she will have to give us an eviction notice.
A large chunk of my hair fell out in November, and this was probably connected to the anxiety I experienced while Harvey was hitting the house.
My children turned 20, 18, & 16
Well, I think you get the idea. I am not bitter about any of this. I am exhausted, but definitely not bitter. For all the people that didn't acknowledge my situation or didn't acknowledge my situation in the way I think I would have, I have no animosity towards them. Some of these bullets are my initial thoughts about the situation, and some of these bullets are what we went through. I recognize how critical I am of others, but just for the record, I am much more critical of myself. I know folks are doing what they can with what they know to get by.
One thing all this has made me realize, is that life is much too short to keep doing things the same way as you've always done and in the same manner as everyone else. For all the people that couldn't or wouldn't help, there were hundreds that did. And I've taken a step back to see just how much I help others, and I certainly fall short! For all the friends that couldn't run the race with me, I have no hard feelings. Sometimes I am sad because I miss their company, but I've valued each one with all my heart. I'm thankful to have known them and that we shared some amazing conversations that will teach me for a lifetime. So their presence isn't necessary for me to continue learning from them.
It is all a matter of semantics. We tend to put so much feeling into a word, that we forget the action. The confirmation of what is felt in the heart space. Someone said something the 'wrong' way or at the 'wrong' time, but they offered us a glass of water. With this understanding, I'm much more forgiving of myself when life doesn't roll how I need it to. Because obviously I didn't need it. I clung to the words in my head for dear life, believing I was drowning, when in reality, I was dehydrated. I can be so self righteously ignorant about my understanding of dehydration that I believed I was drowning. And the active friendship of offering a glass of water, a listening ear, an honest observation was and is something to soothe the soul. It makes me want to converse and text less, just throw my feelings into this blog or my poetry to allow the proper context of self reflection, and DO more, so there is less judgement from others and more empathy generated from myself for those that will need it.
On a final note, the silver linings are abundant, if one can quiet the mind long enough to take notice.
Here's a collage of some of the things mentioned in the bullets. Enjoy!
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